we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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