I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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