only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
