paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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