This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
