Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
