a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
