there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
