My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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