So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
