Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
