you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
