Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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