I wish I could teleport
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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