He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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