I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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