I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
