You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
