from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
