So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
