There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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