I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We are two peas in an std pod
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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