You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
