it hurts more in the daytime
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
