I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
