How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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