she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Randomize
