grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
