She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
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Dicks are not precious.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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