I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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