Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Damn victory sex feels great
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
