Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
