I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
