my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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