I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
