Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I've blown a few things in my day
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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