xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
