I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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