I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
