It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
