I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm getting married
To pizza
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
