did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
