Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
