I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
