where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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