never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
