Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In other news, I just burned my penis
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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