You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
too bad you live with your parents still
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
