he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
