Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
