Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
