I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
