All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
