Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
