please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
