i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
