I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i think i have two assholes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
