Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
