can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
