He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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