So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
