We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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