I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
