I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
