Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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