Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
